Overture

I have a story to tell.  Those who know me might say, of course you do. . . a story of loss, of grief.  The worst kind of story.  The worst kind of loss.  A mother's loss.  My son, to cancer, at just seven years old.  That story has been re-told and re-lived far too many times, and is well documented on CaringBridge.  I will share the essence of this INTERLUDE here, but it is only part of my journey, a divergence on my life's path that led to the story I really want to tell.   I had a life before my son was diagnosed, a PRELUDE with years of joy and heartbreak, connection and loneliness, wonder and wisdom that formed the foundation of me, the person I brought to the interlude of my son's cancer, the person who can now share my POSTLUDE, a story of hope and love.  It starts on the day after Cameron died, when the profound peace and beauty of this world was revealed to me, continued in the small moments during my grief process and then played out in earnest on the day I was given permission to heal.  The day I was ready to listen to the message that healing is indeed possible for me, a mother who lost a child.  The day I chose peace and joy not because my son would have wanted that for me, but because I wanted it for me.  On that day, I started a new life and began to tell a new story.  One about a life worth living, a life worth loving. 

In February of 2016, I was invited to read a book called "The Inner Matrix," and study with the author,  Joey Klein, a world champion martial artist and teacher who studied  both Eastern philosophies and practices and Western  psychology and neuroscience, combining them into an inner training, or meditation curriculum that has helped many thousands of people go deep within to find peace and inspiration.  At the time, five years and three months after my son passed away, I was in the grips of grief and near constant anxiety.  I was looking for relief from the physical ache I carried inside of me.  That's not what I found.  At least not right away. What I did uncover was hope.  You see, I didn't expect my grief over the loss of our young son to cancer to ever go away.  I truly believed what I had read and been told countless times since his death.  "You never get over the loss of a child."  I believed that I had a life sentence of grief that may lessen over time, but would always be there.  In my work with Joey Klein, I didn't get to tell my story again.  I didn't get sympathy.  What I got was compassion and the directive to place that story firmly in the past where it belongs.  What I got was permission to stop grieving, permission to let it go, permission to feel joy again.  And I was ready...boy, was I ready.  So I stopped judging myself for being anxious, took accountability for allowing it to take control, and made the choice to live again.  My transformation from grief to hope occurred that weekend and I have never looked back. 

I dug into the inner work of reading, listening, writing, daily meditations and self-check-ins throughout the day.  I had discovered a path, a curriculum, that promised relief and nothing was more important to me than the vision that I chose for myself that weekend.  Peace.  It was not a straight path and it took courage to face the emotions buried deep within, but with consistency, I redefined my life and found it to be a place of beauty.  The insights I share in my POSTLUDE come from that place of beauty and peace that I cultivated, with loving guidance from many amazing people.   

I encourage you to believe that peace and love and joy are possible, even after, or dare I say, especially after loss.  

The moments may be short and fleeting at first, so catch them, write them down, re-read them.  

Build a habit of hope.

Tell us why you can and will heal, live and thrive.